


The Shape of Your Name

by Signsofsam



Series: I Hate Accidents (Except When We Went From Friends To This) [27]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Domestic, Ficlet, M/M, Names, Slice of Life, idek, like super light on the angst though, y'all....it's something
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-12 19:40:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28515819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Signsofsam/pseuds/Signsofsam
Summary: Evan Robert Buckley.Buck hates his name. He wishes he didn’t; his grandfather is also an Evan, and the man is one of the few shining beacons of Buck’s family. He’d always been proud of Buck, even when he was a bit lost in what he wanted to do with his life, in those murky years before he joined the LAFD.And Buck would be so damn proud to be an Evan if it also wasn’t tinged in disappointment every. single. time. his parents used it when he was a child. Always with the same bleed-through of soul-crushing disappointment, always just tinged in the fact that his parents couldn’t stand him.It made him hate his name. It made him search for a different name.It made him Buck.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: I Hate Accidents (Except When We Went From Friends To This) [27]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1584202
Comments: 9
Kudos: 199
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	The Shape of Your Name

**Author's Note:**

> Title from _Closure_ by Taylor Swift, because _evermore_ seems to be all I'm listening to lately.
> 
> And IDEK y'all, but I hope you enjoy.

_Evan Robert Buckley_.

Buck hates his name. He wishes he didn’t; his grandfather is also an Evan, and the man is one of the few shining beacons of Buck’s shitty family. He’d always been proud of Buck, even when he was a bit lost in what he wanted to do with his life, in those murky years before he joined the LAFD. He’s an Evan Buck can look up to, a man he can model himself after because his father certainly isn’t that. He died just before Buck found the LAFD, and he only wishes his grandfather could see the many he’d become, and the family he created. He can hear his grandfather’s voice in his head, looking at all he had, and the rumbling, “you’ve done good, Evan.” 

And Buck would be so damn proud to be an Evan if it also wasn’t tinged in disappointment every. single. time. his parents used it when he was a child. Every time he brought home a bad grade? _Well we certainly weren’t expecting you to be a genius, Evan, but couldn’t you at least try?_ When he decided he didn’t want to play baseball? _Well, of course you’re just going to give something up, Evan_. When he’d come out? _Evan, are you sure?_ Always with the same bleed-through of soul-crushing disappointment, always just tinged in the fact that his parents couldn’t stand him.

It made him hate his name. It made him search for a different name.

It made him _Buck_.

And if he’s being honest with himself, he loves what he’s made being Buck.

But Eddie...Eddie has him rethinking his hatred of Evan.

It’s the feelings when Eddie whispers “Evan” as his mouth burns a path down Buck’s neck. 

Or when he moans “Evan” into Buck’s neck as he comes apart in the darkness of their bedroom.

It’s when he whimpers in pain as Eddie runs his fingers through Buck’s hair, and Eddie murmurs, “sorry, Evan, sorry, babe.”

It’s the teasing “Evan, what are you doing?” after he catches Buck spinning Chris around in the living room.

The sweet, concerned “be careful, Evan,” as he eyes the overpass Buck’s about to propel down, Eddie holding tight to the rope.

The worried shout of “EVAN!” as he barely makes it out of the burning building before the overwhelming fire collapses the roof, a child clinging to him tight.

It’s the night of their wedding, laying in the hotel room, both of them sated, sleep chasing them, and Eddie pulls Buck’s hand to him, pressing a kiss to the ring there and the promise of “I’m gonna love you forever, Evan” softly against his skin. It’s the warmth in Eddie’s voice, the promise. It’s how he says Evan with just as much love and affection as he says Buck, like they’re interchangeable, because for Eddie, they are. Evan isn’t a disappointment because _Buck_ isn’t a disappointment.

So maybe, maybe Evan isn’t all that bad, not when it’s said or whispered or shouted with love, with care. Maybe there’s room for him to be both Buck and Evan, at least where Eddie’s concerned.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you in advance for comments and kudos! I hope you enjoyed, because this really was just a teeny, tiny ficlet as I dip my feet back into the fanfic writing after a few weeks off.
> 
> You can find me [here](https://signsofsam.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.


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